Be myself no matter who that is????

No dream remembrance to be had last night. Is that good or bad? Not sure. Probably bad since the dreams are to lead me in the right direction as to what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

I'm sitting the keyboard this morning with a blank mind (wow, that's first in a long time).

My friend Joseph did come over yesterday and we talked for hours. It was great to catch up with him. He's having a rough time though getting life back on track. To hell and back is where he has been and he's just scratching the surface of recovery. I will do what I can for him but need to continue to keep him at arms length. I have trusting issues with Joseph that stem from The Music Shop days. I know I can't change the past, believe me there are several things that I would love to try and change. I just need to watch out for myself as well.

It's funny, I wanted to tell him about this new thing, blogging everyday, sometimes several times a day, but I didn't, maybe someday. The people who I have invited into my head are people who know my neurosis and people that I completely trust with my head and my heart. Unfortunately that leaves several people behind that I consider my friends but not my confidants. One of those people that I have not invited here because they don't know how to keep their mouth shut when I've looked to them for guidance during certain periods of this last year of hell. I love them to death but.... I told them one thing and they turned around and told Gregg to watch his back from me because I was telling everybody this one thing. Well I wasn't telling everyone, I was looking to them for help in sorting out a fucked up situation. Gregg confronted me about it and of course I told him the truth and unfortunately we've both been burned by this person before. I don't think they can help it really, they have always been like this. I'm just careful how much I tell this person that's all. It just saddens me that I'm not able to tell them everything.. The funny part was that this is a mutual friend between Joseph and I as well and he feels the same way. We had never talked about that before yesterday. Anyway moving away from this subject....

Today is the concert, which I'm not as excited about as a usually am about going to a show. I know I'm going to have a great time with Kelly and Jack, maybe it's just that underlying feeling that I've been getting before a show since Gregg has left. Gregg and I went to one concert last summer. I told him that I would go to one but if it made me feel shitty, then I wouldn't be able to go to a concert again with him. It made me feel beyond shitty so guess what no more concerts with him. Admitting that upsets me beyond words. Tears are more like it....

My horoscope was interesting today, here it is:

Don't overcompensate for your insecurity by acting more intensely than you actually feel. Covering your vulnerability with inflated passion can temporarily trick others into believing that you are very sure of yourself right now when you are not. Discuss your uncertainty with honesty, knowing that the ensuing conversation could help you firm up your plans.

OK, so what I get from this today is don't pretend to be and/or feel something I do not actually feel, be myself, whatever mood that is at the time. I read further and I know that I cover my vulnerabilities everyday at work and pretend I'm not going through anything outside of work. Sometimes that does follow me out the door of the bank. I know that this is my horoscope for today but I truly believe that they all go together to make up the one plan for us Leos. That last line there, firm up your plans, what plans? Right now, all I can do is live one day at time and get through that day the best that I can, whether it's a good day or bad day.

Guess, I need to go do some house stuff before I get ready for the concert.....

For a blank mind, that's sure a lot to say?