i did survive

well, i made it to utah!!! and yes i had to take a plane, 2 actually. amazing enough i survived all by myself. just wanted to do a quick blog that i made it and now i'm heading to bed.

tomorrow is the day.........

i should be in bed. but i'm not, i here worrying about my trip tomorrow, mostly the plane part. i've tried to not think about it but i'm going to actually need to get on the plane tomorrow. had a rought night. gregg called to tell me to have a safe trip and to have a great time out there. of course that made me start crying and then he said that he knew he shouldn't have called. then why did you? he says when you get out there send me an e-mail so i know that you're out there. why the fuck for??? i lost it after he hung up and folded, i sent him a long, long e-mail. part of what i was thinking at that moment and part of the letter i've been working on for myself. he happen to see that title on saturday when he was here. i told him that he wasn't supposed to see that because i hadn't decided if i was sharing it with him or not. i know he's not committed to that 'relationship' and he knows he's not committed to it as well. no one needs to know the details behind that statement, it's all in my head, hard to forget. he asked me why i didn't ask mom and jim to take me to the airport. i told him in the e-mail that i didn't because it would just remind me that this is the trip we were supposed to take together next year by driving across country. i tell myself and others that i'm trying like hell to leave all this shit here in nh but i'm going to have to work very hard to do that and i don't know if i'm strong enough. it doesn't help that i'm extremely emotional and pmsing (yeah that's probably not even a word, deal with it). i need to get out of my head........................

i'm still right here....

thought i would write something really quick before i head off to bed

haven't felt like writing last couple of days, been walking jet a lot and trying not to sit in front of the computer or i will lose my strength and write an e-mail to gregg that i will later regret, i'm sure

my trip is a week away, i am very excited about that, not looking forward to the plane part but everyone says i'll be fine....they don't live in my head and a lot of shit goes on there...

anyway, i have been having dreams but not logging them for whatever reason

need to go get clothes together for tomorrow, going to see bret michaels tomorrow night with my friend kelly, we both excited, we both need a break from our lives so tomorrow will be nice to get away

trent still hasn't posted the tickets for the show kelly and i are going to in august, he truly is trying to kill me i think....now i worried that he will put them on sale for the presale when i'm in utah, what the fuck!!

ok, off to bed

What to Write???

I'm sitting here with nothing really to write, trying to stay out of my head, I'm listening to Survivor (what the hell is wrong with me!!!). Put Jet to bed, she was being a pill tonight....so it was time for her to go to bed.

Ok, need to change the tv station.

Think it's time for me to go to bed too....I thought I would work on the letter for myself to Gregg but if I'm trying to stay out of my head, then that's not a good idea tonight.

I had dreams last night but I remembered them this morning but nothing as I sit down to write about them.

Have a lot of friends request (music mostly) on Myspace this week. Listening to them....it's amazing to me that there are so many musicians out there that are wonderful but the record labels don't see it, what's wrong with them??

Picked up the Ashes Divide CD (Billy Howerdel - former guitar tech for Trent and formed A Perfect Circle) this is album is absolutely awesome, start to finish,,,,that doesn't happen every often not even with Trent (yes, there are some songs that I don't like to listen to from Trent, hard to believe, I know). I would like to catch Ashes Divide but I guess that probably not happen.

It's amazing to me that someone can say one thing and their actions completely say something else. I know this might seem random but it was just something that I was sitting here thinking about....

Didn't go to the gym tonight, my shoulder is bothering me and Kelly's legs were bothering her...I did make Jet walk for a half hour around 7:30 because our walk early was only 15/20 minutes or so...

Star and I will walk in the morning and tomorrow night we'll try to take a long, long walk with Jet, we'll see what happens.

I'm falling into my head as I sit and think, need to remove myself from the computer and head to bed I think....

Nothing....

Well I'm sitting here buzzed (I don't want to hear it Star). And I don't think I remember any of the dreams from last night. I don't have a lot to say tonight, I'm heading to bed now. I wanted to have a small post today.

No Dreams....

I do no remember the dreams from last night, which is strange because it was the 3rd night of the full moon...maybe because I was so damn exhausted. Who knows. Off to a meeting this morning in Grantham, that I totally forgot about until I got an e-mail from our chairperson yesterday late afternoon. I guess I didn't write it down anywhere....I'll write more later if I'm not completely dead by tonight.

Full Moon Dreams

So the dream last night was me at home (but the house looked bigger) and then a knock on the door. Gregg and 'her' are at the door. I open the door and tell her that she has to stay outside. Gregg comes in and starts yelling at me about something to do with money being automatically put into our checking account. I'm telling him that I haven't check the online banking so I have no idea what he's talking about. One thing leads to another and I'm yelling at him about something else...I say something that all I'm good for is what you've been coming around here for and she bursts through the door, throwing something at Gregg (coat or something like that) and running away. I turn to Gregg and say you better go after her. Then of course I wake up.

The other part of the dream was a house that was a combination of my house and my Grandparent's Wright house (which is no longer standing). Sheri and her grandmother are standing outside and something about a party of some kind. I say we can't have it here...Jet's not well behaved enough for that, can't imagine where that came from. That's all I remember from that dream.

Really quick because I need to go to bed if I'm going to be getting up early to walk tomorrow morning.

Trent posted something about 2 weeks again on the page. What is up with the 2 week thing? He's just driving me crazy. He better post before I leave for Utah!!!

Ok off to bed.