Life Has Answers, Can I Have Some Of Them???

So it figures that I can't remember any of the dreams I would have had last night. I start this to try and figure out all of the dreams I've been "blessed" with over the last month or so and then nothing....absolutely nothing!! My horoscope this morning was different as well (guess I shouldn't stop reading them right now)...The past couple of months they have been about patience and the answers will come to you in your dreams but today this is what it said:

"Deeply rooted emotions can rise into awareness today, stimulated by an unexpected disclosure from a friend. Although listening is a good idea, you may not realize the impact someones words can have on you now. If a poignant memory is stirred, don't attempt to stuff it back into your past. It's psychologically healthier to integrate any significant recollections into your present perspective."

Which is extremely interesting based on a phone call I got making dinner. { yes, I actually made dinner and for just me - don't worry Star I didn't really clean up :) } It was an old friend who use to work for me at the store and was a customer/friend before that... Things got out of control the last year or so that I worked at the store and we haven't spoke in almost 6/7 years. We have started chatting online but haven't actually talked in person or on the phone until tonight. He said he called because he wanted to hear my voice and that I popped into his head as he was heading out tonight. It was nice to hear from him and I'm hoping that he can come over and hang out Saturday afternoon to catch up on the last 6/7 years.

Anyway....I have been thinking that I am lucky to be healthy - disappointed in the hand that I have been dealt at this card game we call life but healthy and have not been sick all winter (knocks on wood!!). Which most people know that is a great accomplishment for me. I've come to learn that other are not as lucky....

I got my hair cut (trimmed, I'm attempting to grow it out, we'll see how that goes before it drives me nuts) tonight and my hairdresser has lost, in the last month, her sister, her sister in-law and her brother is in the hospital with internal bleeding. Last year she lost a niece, only 20 something to cancer....I can't imagine losing so many people who would be an immediate part of my life. A few years ago she lost another brother in a terrible car accident in Charlestown.

I also found out this week that friends of mine (guess they are my friends, I did know them before I met Gregg - he grew up with them though) just found out that their father has prostate cancer. I don't know what the prognoses is yet, I haven't pried, it's still new for them and they are all extremely upset. All of the children worship their father...

I have had a lot to deal with and process this last year, but how do people deal with life's complications? I'm thinking I'm not dealing with my life complications the way I should....I feel like a lot of people think I have not dealt with or processed any of this bullshit the way I probably should have with Gregg. Isn't that what those pills and therapy are for??? I know what others would do, but I'm not others, I'm me and don't want to change being who I have always been to deal with the most difficult situation in my life. So yes, I'm not ready to give up and I'm not willing to throw 10 years away as easily as he has done/attempted to do....Everyone knows that what happens behind close doors with 2 people is not what the world sees.

I wish I could say that I will write here everyday and it not have something to do with Gregg but that time is not now. Will it ever be? I don't have those answers. I don't know if I ever will have those answers.